Intrusive Thoughts

14/1/23

Do you face your thoughts when you run? Because I do. The other day, I was running as usual. I rested my hands against the rail by the shore. And my intrusive thoughts started to creep in like an uninvited guest.

The thought went like this: If I loosen my grip now, my phone will vanish into the dark sea this instant.

My grip started to tighten. It was like an absolute no brainer. Why is it the case then?

Why is it the case that it almost came naturally for me to kill off my intrusive thoughts at ease when I was by the shore that day? But find it extremely tumultuous when I am alone in my room facing them?

I would like to think that we as human are such vulnerable beings when we are put against with our environment. In this case, let us call it "contextual cues". Our contexts in a way dictate our actions. Hence, I no longer do home workouts and would go to the gym instead. Or, I would go out and have a jog when I feel like moving my body or allowing my mind to be at ease.

I never fully appreciate the power of our contextual cues in fighting off our intrusive thoughts. When I'm alone, these thoughts chew up my mind and cloud my vision which leaves me in desperation and frustration. However, the same demon could be defeated by me just walking away and relocating myself to another environment.

I'm not saying it's necessary for us to fight off our intrusive thoughts with contextual cues. If we are able to train ourselves to fight against them even without them, then that would make us mentally strong.

Otherwise, why not start with a simple walk?

I now understand why people go for a run when troubled by thoughts as I experienced it for myself on this morning track.